The Block - NZ Election Special

“This week the teams make their final preparations for auction day, when the people of New Zealand will have their say and select a winner. It’s been a dynamic season here on The Block, with plenty of surprises and unexpected twists. Some teams have played dirty, whilst others have just watched from the sidelines.”

In House One, the boys in blue are quietly confident. They’ve done their job and completed all the assigned tasks in the assigned order in the assigned time. The colour palate seamlessly blends from a bright royal blue in the master bedroom, to a bright royal blue splashback in the kitchen, to a bright royal blue swing set in the back yard. It’s got to be said these guys are consistent.

It hasn’t always been plain sailing however. There has been some tension in the House One camp throughout the series, with Bill controlling the funds and John forgetting how much he was allowed to spend. But they’ve ended the series on budget, without any major expense blowouts or frivolous purchases.

Nonetheless, it hasn’t been an easy ride. Their calm and confident approach has unsettled some of the other teams, who believed there must have been some sneaky sideline activity occurring. House One just can’t be that nice, honest and effective. It’s not possible. Mud has been flung onto House One in all directions, but John and Bill have quietly waterblasted it off the weatherboards and kept going.

They’ve mostly worked alone. Worked in a white collar sense of course, they didn’t actually get stuck in wielding a hammer or anything. But gosh did they organise those tradespeople well, paid them well and incentivised them to work faster and smarter to generate a better return.

The finished house is strong and stable, comfortable and familiar… the perfect home for white middle class kiwis.

The soothing monochromatic tones of House One are forgotten as we enter House Two. It’s a rainbow of colours, with strong underlying themes of red and green. In fact, it’s almost like the two hues are jostling for prime position – is it a red house with green features, or a green home with red highlights?

David has his sleeves rolled up ready to prove his manliness and is awkwardly attempting to share a dirty joke with one of the tradies. It’s a bit like being given pornography by your uncle. Cringeworthy yet strangely compelling. He’s proud of the work he’s done on House Two, he’s spent well over the budgeted allowances on every room, but everyone got to share in the cash so no one can complain.

Enjoying some meditative time in the garden is his team-mate Russel. Russel is very happy with the environ-friendly features he’s been able to include in House Two. The composting toilets, solar panels, recycled carpet and edible furniture add uniqueness to the property he confidently believes will strike a chord with many of the viewers.

He’s confident that House Two will appeal to kiwis who like to believe that the environment needs to be saved, and aren’t too turned off by his smarmy team mate.

The peace of Russel’s inner city sanctum is shattered with a shouting match from over the fence at House Three. Hone and Kim are at it again.

House Three has been the most contentious throughout the series, with the two lads seemingly approaching the same tasks from completely different perspectives. The result is startling and rather ostentatious. And very purple.

Kim likes it large, and every room has been expanded to accommodate his requirement for cabling and security cameras. Hone likes it real, and knows that the kiwi viewers won’t take well to grandiose marble tiled garages or large screen TVs in every room.

When catching a quiet moment away from the loudspeakers and disco lights, Hone reflects that he may have made the wrong choice partnering with Kim. It all seemed too good to be true…

Hone is also a little peeved that instead of getting stuck in and doing some work, Kim has been preoccupied with flinging mud at House One. It’s become a bit of a joke around the work site, if he’s not out with a shovel digging more dirt, he’s in his media room skyping his buddies in Russia and London/Ecuador.

They just can’t seem to agree on anything at House Three, and the finished product reflects that. Hone just hopes his mates up North stick by him, but deep-down he knows they aren’t going to feel comfortable coming for a kai at his new whare.

Our final site visit is to House Four.

The stark black and white colour scheme and simple structure is definitely a contrast to the others. The exterior presentation matches the owner – silvering and smooth, with conservative detailing and a hint of elder-statesman-style.

Winston has worked alone for a very long time on this project. Some questioned his early decision to go solo, but now as we enter the crunchtime in the series his thinking seems well justified.

He’s managed to avoid the mud-slinging, and instead has focused on steadily creating his dream house. It’s a welcoming environment for guests, with rooms strongly reflecting different themes. The blue bedroom is the biggest and grandest, with options for different layouts to suit the user. The red bedroom is equally flexible, but positioned slightly to the back of the home in a less prominent position. There is no purple bedroom.

The open plan kitchen and living area is marvellous, with a vintage wine-box coffee table a key feature in the room, alongside a large collection of travel selfies showing Winston with various heads-of-state from across the globe.

It’s welcoming, open and accommodating – sure to appeal to true-blue kiwis. Winston has done well to keep his home fluid and flexible to suit anyone, and given the discount he’s offering to gold-card holders, is definitely the dark horse in this competition.

“So that ends our Block NZ Election Special. Be sure to tune in on Saturday night as we reveal this year’s winner.”


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